As most of you know about me, I am dedicated to the creative arts in all its forms. The joy of personal expression makes my life worth living, and being able to facilitate healing and change processes through the arts is at the center of my work. In this context, I see firsthand on a regular basis how people struggle in their art life, and the ways that the creative pursuit can be extremely complex.

There is such a strong desire in myself, and in so many people I work with, find freedom of self-expression and revel in the experience. In the best case scenario, painting is a brilliant catharsis, music is meditation, dance is a revelation! These are the moments where we feel awake, alive, and tap into the gift of creativity.

However, it is much easier said than done, as the idea of art-making vs. reality can shake up a lot of resistance, fear, and is accompanied by an element of risk. Especially if we have no structure or starting point, it can be difficult to get moving and/or we may find that our imagination takes us to strange places where we unearth old memories, and/or we might drop into feelings of doubt and frustration that we weren't anticipating.

I know so many creatives who are doing really important work and exploring different projects that have impact (videos, art installations, books, films, songwriting, etc.), they are finding ways to share their gifts, but side by side they also experience dread, and at times danger can lurk, and when I say 'danger', I mean that they move into emotional terrain that feels tricky, or painful.

Some examples are:

• Wanting to write and, in the process, facing existential loneliness and dread.
• Exploring dance and movement and being flooded with emotions that surface from past traumas.
• Creating visual art (painting, drawing) and, rather than enjoying the expression, they face the inner critic every step of the way.
• Collaborating with others in a creative environment and getting stuck in comparison and feeling like an imposter.
• Having a strong shame backlash after showing their work to others in a performance or art exhibit setting.

For some people, creating comes naturally and they 'just do it'. But for me and most people I've worked with, as well as through my experience interviewing and staying connected to the artists in the films I have made, the creative process requires us to cultivate patience and develop strong tools so we can succeed in making our art expressions come to fruition.

A book that helped me in my 20s when I was new in recovery, trying to figure out how to create sober, and re-shape my identity was The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. This quote of hers speaks directly to the dilemma:

'The need to be a great artist makes it hard to be an artist. The need to produce a great work of art makes it hard to produce any art at all... Fear is what blocks an artist. The fear of not being good enough. The fear of not finishing. The fear of failure and of success. The fear of beginning at all.'

Stay tuned for Part Two, where I continue this reflection and share some very concrete tips to pass through the struggle into a new way of creating.

You are not alone.